Monday, June 1, 2009

The Bliss of Confusion!!

The bliss of what? I'm sure some of you are thinking that right now. I'm sure that right now, you're thinking that I surely must be confused if I find confusion bliss. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if by now, some of you have decided that I am certifiable. Ok, so maybe it's not that bad. But to find confusion bliss? I agree, it sounds like I might have fallen of the turnip truck.

Ahhh! But you must remember, we've spent the last month packing up our home. And I've spent the last month with Matt home all day. One day I went to the grocery store, only to return and find ALL of my books in boxes living in the garage. The next week after another grocery store run, I came home to find all of my cooking, baking, and half my dishes in boxes, and my choices of what I could do in the kitchen seriously diminished. A week later, after another trip to the grocery store, I returned home to find Matt had THROWN AWAY all my acrylic stamps. We won't go into too many details about that one. Let's just leave it with I still feel ill and Matt still feels immensely guilty whenever it's either thought about or brought up. (Have I mentioned that I had over $400 worth of acrylic stamps, and that Matt misunderstood me and threw them all away, but kept the ink pads I told him he could toss?)

All in all these things aren't really too bad, acrylic stamp incident notwithstanding. But even that, when you think about all the other craft supplies I have that he could have thrown out but didn't, isn't to bad. I am so very proud of Matt. He could have refused to get out of bed and left it all up to me. He could have let the depression we all knew he was feeling get the best of him and he could have given up. But he didn't, he got up and continued to live each day, praying that God would show him what path he was on. And eventually, it all became clear. Matt started work this morning. The path we are traveling is still a little rocky, a few things are a little unclear, and even some of them darn right scary, but like Matt has been saying these last few weeks:

Vivere Sat Vincere, (translated to "To Conquer is to Live Enough".) I will conquer and I will live. No matter how tough things are, I will survive and I will come out on top. I have done it twice before, and I will do it again. 

So why then, am I finding confusion bliss?

I'm bored. I want to read or scrapbook or cook. Can't decide which one exactly yet, but I know I want to do something. However, even though we spent the better part of last week and this weekend trying to find stuff in the garage and unpacking a few boxes, I'm still confused about where some of what I want is. All I know is the boxes containing my treasures are all out in the garage and I have no clue how Matt has them all organized. But the simple fact that since we aren't moving anytime soon, I can go out there any time I want, look for them, find them and bring them inside to unpack... 

The confusion in that is pure bliss!


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